1. Choose a More Peaceful Divorce Option.
When it comes to divorce, you’ve got plenty of choices.
Take the time up front to do your homework and research all of the available options. Then, choose the one that’s most likely to keep your divorce as peaceful as possible.
During the divorce process, you’ll need to make hundreds of significant decisions that will affect you and your children for years to come. And the more organized you are, the better the quality your negotiations (and resulting settlement agreement) will be.
If you choose a competent professional to guide you through your proceedings, they’ll take you through a thorough discovery process to help with how to financially prepare for divorce negotiations that will follow. But some advanced planning financially before you start your divorce also can go a long way.
Work with your spouse to make a list of assets and debts and begin gathering copies of all financial statements/records pay stubs, bank accounts statements, brokerage accounts statements, credit card statements, insurance policies, retirement accounts, mortgage statements, car loan statements, other marital assets, etc.
Create a marital budget so you can get an understanding of what your current monthly expenses living together are as well as what your projected monthly expenses will be after you’re divorced and living in separate households.
It’s not necessary (and can be unwise) to start negotiating the issues without the help of a qualified professional – all you’re doing at this point is getting organized and preparing for divorce financially (preparing for the discovery phase of the divorce process).
Divorce can be so overwhelming that it might be tempting to just crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head, and pretend it isn’t happening. But I’m sure you’re smart enough to know that won’t solve or change anything.
Don’t be a passive observer of your own divorce—this is your divorce, so take control of the process. Listen to your chosen divorce professional, but be prepared to make your own decisions.
The best way to get through a divorce is to take an active role in the process, even if you are not the initiator. You will reach a better settlement, and your divorce will likely take less time, be less stressful, and cost less money.
4. Get Support.
It’s important to remember that no matter how isolated you may feel, you are not alone.
Recognize that there are sources of divorce support that you can leverage to help you sort through the menagerie of feelings you’re experiencing and learn how to deal with them in a healthy and constructive way.
When you can control your emotions, you can better prepare yourself for your divorce negotiations and approach them with a calm, level head.
5.Stay in your integrity.
No matter how angry or betrayed you might feel or no matter how much your spouse may be pressing your buttons, do not let him/her get the best of you and take you out of your integrity.
Stay off social media and resist venting details of your divorce to anyone who will listen. Don’t badmouth your spouse to the kids or your family (even if he/she is badmouthing you to them). Remember that your divorce will also affect your kids.
Rise above, bite your tongue, take a deep breath (or a hundred of them) and be the bigger person.
As difficult as it might seem, you need to focus on taking care of yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so you can be in a better position to make conscious decisions about your future with a calm, clear, and rational head.
Make every effort to help yourself and not let your divorce ruin the rest of your life.
If you need help with how to cope with divorce, get yourself a good therapist, exercise, meditate, eat healthy, try to get enough sleep and surround yourself with positive people. Make a to-do list and do whatever you can to boost your energy and stay authentic and at your best.
Be kind to yourself and don’t let yourself become a victim to your circumstances. There’s no doubt divorce is a very painful event, but it will only define you if you let it.
6.Focus on The Big Picture.
The last tip on preparing for a divorce is to stay focused on the big picture.
The decisions you’ll need to make during the divorce process will affect you and your children for years to come, so don’t get bogged down in fighting over semantics or trying to be right.
Nobody wins in divorce, but if you focus on what’s most important, like the kids and your future, instead of the painful past, you’ll have a much better chance of not only divorcing amicably but also achieving a settlement agreement you can feel comfortable with.
Source: Equitable Mediation.